ʿAbdullah ibn ʿUmar said, “The Lord’s pleasure is found in the pleasure of the parent, and His anger is found in the anger of the parent.”
Islam is a religion that places great emphasis on families within a Muslim community. It highlights the importance of building a support system that stands with you through thick and thin in life. And at the top of such systems are parents. They are the shield that protects every child from the harshness of the world and builds them up to be outstanding members of society. Given the paramount role they play in the life of a young Muslim, Islam has laid out the exact framework by which a child should respect and honor his parents.
Quran & The Parents
There are several verses in the Quran where Allah SWT has mentioned respecting and honoring one’s parents, right next to the command of worshipping him. This alone should tell a person just how highly Allah has placed them in terms of respect.
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents.”
“And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as a partner unto Him. (Show) kindness unto parents.”
Hadith & The Parents
Just like the Quran, there are numerous hadiths that mention how a Muslim should treat their parents. Some of them are direct narrations from the Prophet PBUH, while others state how the salaf used to treat their parents.
Abu Hurairah (RA) reported that the Prophet PBUH said, “Ruined is the one, ruined is the one, ruined is the one whose parents—one or both—reach old age during his lifetime, yet he fails to serve them and, as a result, does not enter Jannah.”
Marwan would appoint Abu Hurayra as his agent, and he would reside in Dhu’l-Hulayfa. His mother lived in one house while he stayed in another. Whenever he wished to go out, he would stop at her door and say, “Peace be upon you, mother, and the mercy and blessings of Allah.” She would reply, “And peace be upon you, my son, and the mercy and blessings of Allah.” Then he would say, “May Allah have mercy on you, as you cared for me when I was a child.” And she would respond, “May Allah have mercy on you, as you showed kindness to me in my old age.” He would do the same whenever he returned home.
Honoring The Parents: The Islamic Way
Obeying Them
Allah SWT has commanded every Muslim to obey their parents and act on their words, given that they don’t take one away from the worship of Allah SWT or result in any disobedience toward the creator. Obeying one’s parents is regarded as the most important form of worship a child is asked to perform with regard to their parents.
Making Dua For Them
One can make dua for their parents for their good health and life, both in this world and after that. Especially when they are in old age and are in need of someone to take care of them and treat them with care and kindness.
“And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them both, as they did care for me when I was little.”
Treating Them With Love & Care
Every Muslim in their life is oftentimes faced with the situation where they disagree with their parents and have a different opinion. This is an inevitable situation that requires remaining calm. It is important to remember that parents always try to look for the best for their child in every situation. And because of their wisdom and experiences, they may see something in a situation that the child cannot see due to their young age. It is in times like these that one should calmly explain one’s perspective to one’s parents and try to keep the conversation from taking an unpleasant turn.
“Consort with them in the world kindly.”
Not Saying Harsh Words To Them
Conversations taking the wrong direction and losing control of the tongue happen more often than one can count. In these moments, one should remember the struggles and pain the parents went through when raising the child. One should recall the moments when the child was misbehaving or being difficult and the parents still responded to them with kind words and gestures. One should think about the hurt their parents would feel when the harsh words are said, and should walk away from the situation if it gets too heated.
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none save Him and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not “Fie” unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word.”
And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents—His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years—Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents. Unto Me is the journeying.
Giving Them Gifts
The Prophet PBUH said, “Give each other gifts and you will love each other.”
Gift-giving is an activity that nurtures the bond between families and strengthens the connection between people. Moreover, gift-giving is a highly personal activity, which means that when a child gives a gift to their parents, they analyze the likes and dislikes of the parent and pay close attention to their desires. This, in turn, connects both at a deeper level and provides an opportunity where everyone is seen and heard in the relationship.
Honoring Parents After Their Death
Even after they have departed this world, Allah has given Muslims many ways by which they can honor their parents. Such as,
- Clearing their debt: If a child has means and can spend extra, they should try to clear any debts their parents might have.
- Performing Pilgrimages On Their Behalf: If the child has enough money, they can perform Hajj and Umrah on behalf of their parents, or they can pay someone else to perform it.
- Spending In The Way of Allah on Their Behalf: Spending in charities, sponsoring an orphan, supporting a certain household, or just giving regular sadaqah is a great way to honor the parents and ensure that the rewards of these actions reach them in the hereafter.
Reward For Obeying The Parents
Obeying one’s parents is an obligation that comes with numerous rewards. It gains Allah’s pleasure and opens the doors to paradise. Apart from the benefits in the hereafter, good treatment of parents also offers numerous rewards in worldly life, such as a happy life, increased blessings, and mental peace.
Ibn ‘Abbas said, “Whoever is obedient to Allah concerning his parents, Allah will open two gates of Paradise for him. If only one parent is alive, then one gate will be opened. But if either of them is displeased with him, Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased. Someone asked him, “Even if the parents wrong him?” He replied, “Even if they wrong him.”